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Portland Water Use Warning
written by: Illusnist
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Posted on: 11/28/2009 8:13:13 PM
Read: 768

PourOne, OR - An age-old discovery was made again today as residents of Portland, Oregon and surrounding areas were told to boil their water, or find alternative beverages to consume. Beer, used as a microbial resistant beverage for hundreds of years, became the immediate drink of choice.

During the Middle Ages, beer was often the drink used for the exact same reason. Even though the average guy couldn't explain it to you, beer is resistant to many forms of bacterial growth. What they have known, instead, is that drinking beer makes you worry a lot less about the reason your water is no good, and the philosophy continues to work as well as ever.

And why could the water be contaminated? While it is not yet fully confirmed, the answer could be as simple as human infants. It is as yet unclear whether it is the small children themselves which are not well filtered, or something relating to them in some other manner. Sources indicate however, that whatever the cause may be, may clog intake vents at some of the area's wastewater treatment plants. 

Families are being urged to boil all drinking water, and not to flush used family members down sink, toilet, or bathtub drains. Most localities already prohibit the disposal of family members in this manner, but enforcement of the law has been difficult to maintain. For information on how to properly dispose of a loved one in your area, readers are encouraged to contact local waste management authorities.

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This piece is complete fiction and has no resemblance to any one living or dead. Any resemblance is completely coincidental and a piece of hyper imagination.
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